How to Win
Friends
To win friends is one of the most
difficult tasks. A large number of youngsters find that they
hardly have any true friends or most of them even find that others are just
avoiding him or her. In case you follow these steps given below to meet new people
and form strong, you will be able to increase lasting friendships.
Make
time, prioritise relationships:
Don’t fall into the habit of thinking, “I’ll try and find the time”.
It’s a cop out. You cannot find time. Everyday, you decide where to put your
attention, and those activities will in turn create your day, your week and
eventually your life. Be mindful of where you focus your time and energy.
Does this match your values and how you want your life to be? There’s no use
saying “ My family and friends are the most important thing” if you work 80
hours a week and never see them. Be conscious of how you spend your time and
choose to prioritise the people in your life.
Spend
more time around people.
Join
a club with people who have
common interests or volunteer. Volunteering is a great way for people of
all ages to meet others. By working together you build bonds with people,
and you might meet others who have a passion for changing things the way you
do—a common cause.
Talk to
people.
Make small talk. Keep the conversation light and cheery.
Make eye contact and smile.
Start a conversation. Introduce yourself towards the end of the conversation.
Initiate
a get-together.
If
you've discovered that the person you're talking to has a common interest,
ask him or her more about it and, if appropriate, whether they get together
with others (in a club, for example) to pursue this interest. If so, this is
a perfect opportunity to ask about joining them or ask them out for lunch or
coffee. That will give you a better opportunity to talk and get to know each
other a little bit better.
Be
a good friend.
Once you've started spending time
with potential friends, remember to do your part (i.e. initiating
activities, remembering birthdays, and asking how the other person is
feeling) or else the friendship will become unbalanced and resentment is
likely to arise.
Treat others how you
want to be treated
You may have heard of
the law of attraction, which states that what we project to the world will
be sent right back to us. This means you must decide what qualities are
important to you, because you cannot receive what you do not give.
Personally, don’t think you can go past honesty, loyalty and integrity as a
foundation for choosing friends. Be considerate. Don’t make plans you won’t
keep. Be a safe haven for your friends, someone they can rely on.
Have fun, share
rituals and laugh often
Hold onto rituals. They
connect you with your friends and your youth. Shared memories help define
our life and how we see our lives. Don’t throw them away just because they
are getting harder to manage. The key is to negotiate.
Accept people the
way they are, suspend judgement
Some people always know
the right thing to say, others seem to have a knack for getting it all
wrong. The key with managing friendships and reducing conflict is to accept
people the way they are. We all have different strengths and weaknesses.
Fighting your friends’ natural personalities is a losing battle. We cannot
control other people and frankly, we have no right to try. The sooner we
accept this, the easier all our relationships become.
Respect boundaries
Don’t criticize your
friends, partners, children or family. This is always a no-no. We may all
like to rant about our loved ones, but we do not want anyone else does it.
This is a golden rule.
If there is
disagreement, stay calm
Things happen, ugly words
can be exchanged. This is the nature of human relationships. Before you
react to a hurtful situation with friend, always stop and breathe. Try not
to react in anger. Express your feelings honestly but calmly.
Accept that
friendships change and sometimes end
There are times when
people change enough to have nothing in common anymore. Sometimes, this is
temporary, at other times this is not. Either way, the best thing you can do
when a relationship falter is to let it go. Relationships have energy of
their own. They can ebb and flow. Sometimes you are not quite clicking, at
other times you are. Petering out friendships can be very stressful, but
change is apart of life and relationships which do end can still be
reassured for what they brought before. They don’t have to be a mistake.
Treat yourself with
kindness and respect and others will do the same
This is probably the most
important point. You cannot be a friend to others, if you are not a friend
to yourself. If you want other people to treat you with respect, then you
need to be the first person in line to respect yourself. Being a good friend
does not mean being a doormat. The kinder you are to yourself the happier
you will be.
Choose your friends
wisely
Make sure you are smart
and choose friends who are worthy of your valuable time and attention. It
sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you have ever made. No one
has the time and energy for that. If you don’t consciously choose which
relationships to focus on, you will spread yourself too thin and you will
have less to give to those who deserve it most. Do not be fooled by glamour.
A person’s behaviour is much more important than their words or how they
represent themselves. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person
you want to be. Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who
love and respect you. People who make your day a little sunnier, simply by
being in it.
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